"Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands."
I've heard a saying before many times: "The closer you are to God, the closer you are to finding your husband." As much as I want to believe it for every word and value, a part of me still wants to know. If life were predictable and easy, we would all run to the nearest fortune-teller and figure out fifteen minutes later, and probably twenty-dollars lighter, the name, look, occupation, personality, and whatever our hearts desire about our future spouse. But God doesn't work that way. He wants us to be so immersed in Him that our future husband has to seek God before finding us. I want this fairytale.
Last night
in my subconscious sleep,
I dreamed of you,
and the tear stains were deep
into the pillow
that let me see your face,
to feel your arms around me
in only a minute, seems like days.
It was present day
and five years never past
and I remember saying to you
that I wanted the moment to continue to last
forever, as if she didn't exist.
It's so hard to forget
the day I received that phone call
and everything turned into regret.
There are times I wish
that the roles were switched,
and you could feel
the pain, the anxiety which
kept me up at night.
I've already written so many songs
to tell you how I felt and feel
and show you where my heart belongs.
In the course of about five minutes, I wrote the (cheesy, but coincidentally true) poem above. I am so thankful I have a haven to escape to and pour out my feelings. I can't take back what happened, and I do not regret the lessons I have learned from the choices I made. I just wish there were times where people would see my side of the story and realize what kind of situation I was in. We all go through heartache and wonder when our hearts will be mended by the next Prince Charming that comes along, but it's hard waiting for that day. Still, it makes me wonder if I would have said "yes" instead of "no", or if I would have chosen the other side of the fork in the road.
I see a white dress,
with demi sleeves on the side;
a veil covering my face
and six bridesmaids by my side.
I see a promise to love,
a promise to protect,
a promise for honesty,
and a vowel to lovingly correct.
I see a midnight black tuxedo
with burgendy tulips on the chest
and a man in between
to put our love to the test.
Once the day is over,
and the sky turns yellow and gold
once the candles have been blown out,
the ambiance turns bitter and cold.
The vowels treated like a crinkled piece of paper,
flying and twirling in the wind
and the ink seems to disappear
and the promises start to blend in
with what the world says is right,
with what the world says is wrong
and I shouldn't have said those promises
when I knew all along
how it was going to be,
how you promised me
you wouldn't make me cry
and the tears fall freely
down my rose colored cheek,
to my purple shoulder
that was autographed by your hands,
a sensation so much colder.
And there goes the poetry again... :) Maybe one of these days I'll publish these to tell my story.
Back to the real reason of this post.
It is human nature to want, to yearn, and to desire a soulmate. It's just up to us to give God the green light. Several people have told me to lower my standards or open up my horizons, or even try online dating (nightmare). But the thing is, God is going to give me someone who will exceed all of my expectations, and suddenly, the list that I have acquired over the last fifteen years of my life of what the perfect man should be will suddenly disappear and reappear into the form of the man standing before me. And it will all be a God thing. Bank on it.
Much love.
Klc
No comments:
Post a Comment