Healing: Psalm 147:3

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
Psalm 147:3

 

Happy Saturday to all of my lovely readers!  Christmas is a mere four days away, and yet every time I make an excuse to go out in the bustle of busy last minute shoppers (like myself), I tend to find yet one more thing I need to buy for someone... or maybe myself.

The holidays are a difficult time for me (which you can read about more here) - with past relationships, having a broken household at age eighteen, and being consumed with a feeling of disappointment, grief, anxiousness, "what-ifs" and the like.  This is the time where I need to surround myself with loving family and friends - it's hard when the "strong" person needs comfort and support.  I cannot account for all of the times that my Savior has saved me from my grievances, and reminded me of His unfailing love.  Regardless of how many times I stumble and fall, He is always there with loving arms and always ready to listen, and to share His wisdom.  

"Satisfy us each morning with your unfailing love,
    so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives."
Psalm 90:14 

This year has been a very trying and challenging year - and sometimes I can see the underlying message that God wants me to embrace and learn from - whether it be patience, understanding, forgiveness, trust, purity, and all other admirable attributes that are pleasing to Him.  

Let me be patient, let me be kind,
make me unselfish, without being blind.
I may have faith to make mountains fall,
but if I lack love then I am nothing at all.
-Unknown 

Let me be one of many to say that living in this secular world is very difficult.  We are surrounded by greed, pride, sex, money, lust, entitlement, revenge, wrath, lies, and probably many more I can't think of off the top of my head.  As a Christian, I am no where near perfect, rather a work in progress, I find it equally (if not more) difficult to not stray away from the straight and narrow.  With so many temptations, so many ways to get what I want, it's so hard to keep my eyes set on God who sent His only son to die and pay for my sins.  

Allow me to explain...

After ending a seven year off-and-on fling, I decided that I wanted to take dating more seriously and more proactively.  My girl friends can attest that this year has definitely been the year of the boy cycle for me.  I have dated from the Napoleon's to the "I can wear my six inch heels and get away with it" types, to the "I can have a genuinely intelligent conversation with you" to the "Oh dear, this is going nowhere" types.  

Needless to say, I have accumulated some hysterical stories that put me in a good mood when I need a laugh.  Others have provided me with tears that gave me the strength to get back up again and rely on God instead of someone else.  Interestingly enough, you can even see a pattern in the pictures that I pin on Pinterest, depending upon what is going on in my life.   

Although it has been a bumpy ride, I am so thankful that I learned from each guy - whether it be to know what I do or do not want in a future husband, and even what I am looking for spiritual wise, physically, emotionally, and intellectually.  One steady fact remains - guys are just as, if not more, confusing than girls (and definitely more into playing games, if I might add). 

   

That will be me... soon.  Sooner than later.  When God says it's the right timing.  Anytime would be fabulous.  No, wait.  God's in control.  Yes, He is in control of my life, and He knows what is best for me.  Even when I disagree and fight like a neurotic toddler, He is the voice of reason.  Hallelujah. 

I don't know what 2014 will hold for me.  I don't know if it's going to be love, heartache, desire, deceit, assurance, patience, or simply trusting in God.  But one thing is for sure, no more "I wish."

"I will." 

I will trust in God's timing.  I will continue to eat healthy and not gain those thirty pounds back.  I will invest more into my friendships and relationships.  I will strive to be like Christ and honor Him in any way I can.  

I will.

Hebrews 10:35-36

"So do not throw away your confidence;
it will be richly rewarded.
You need to persevere
so that when you have done the will of God,
you will receive."

This weekend has been allowing me to reevaluate my life with God. Even when I was talking to my mom earlier, I told her that I was grateful that I finished my research project two days early, and was able to simply relax and study for finals next week. I had a chance to watch the movie, "Extraordinary Measures". For those of you who do not know, it's about a family that raises money to find a cure for a rare type of Muscular Dystrophy. Throughout the movie, it talks about not giving up, and that extraordinary times call for extraordinary measures. For me, it has been giving up my comfort zone to come here, three hours away from home, and begin my Master's program. God is not asking us to jump off a ledge and defy gravity, He is asking us to trust Him in even the craziest of circumstances.

Trust has been a very difficult issue for me, especially within the realm of relationships - not just romantic. I have had professors tell me that I do not belong in my field, and that I will never get into grad school. Through God's wonderful grace, I prayed every day after I mailed in my applications to five grad schools. I prayed that His will be done, and He is the only one fully in control of the situation. I was told over the phone that because my grades were awful due to extraneous circumstances, that they couldn't consider me because other people have much better GPA's than mine. I was also told by that same individual that I should apply for a different field, it was special education, because it is "not as much of a competitive field".

That's why I love Hebrews 10:35-36. It tells us that life is not easy, and we have to work hard to achieve what we want. But when we take one step forward and fall two steps back, to never lose our faith in Jesus. If we continue to do everything for His glory and purpose, whom shall we fear of failure?

As for those people who told me: You're not smart/determined/dedicated enough...

I proved them wrong.

Much love,
Klc

Mark 9:23

I wish I was able to trust God as easily as those in the bible were able to. Imagine: you're blind your entire life, and Jesus Christ, the wonderful Savior, simply puts his thumbs on your eyes, gently rubs in some mud, and bam, you see. How amazing is that?? I cannot imagine how much exhilaration and excitement I would have if I was able to be apart of such a miracle. Or, when one of His deciples talked about walking in the sand. Instead of being alone, Jesus was carrying him. My Daddy told me this story when we went to the Bahamas twelve years ago, and it's funny how I remember certain moments and memories of my childhood. I have no clue how I would get by each day without knowing that I can fully, and completely, trust God and know that he'll take care of me. Period. As my selfish self yearns for silly things, I have to refocus myself and realize that He will take care of me regardless. Sometimes my plan is not His plan, and I have to trust that everything will be okay. Too bad Tinkerbell played with my fairy wand and caused it to disfuction, haha. I know that one day I will step into graduate school and become a Speech Language Pathologist, meet the man of my dreams, and start a family. Faith and trust have me wishing for it just a little too quickly. I've even been trying to talk myself out of wanting a puppy. It's so hard to see the little boogers running around Stillwater, and they're just too adorable. So, I'm thinking that next semester I'll bring Abby, my maltese, up here and get a good dose of experience, haha. That will definitely talk me out of it! I should be studying for my two tests next week, but being a procrastinator is so much more entertaining; not to mention I finally finished watching the finale of "Secret life of an american teenager".
This semester has definitely been a tough one. It's been a whirlwind of trials and tributes, wondering why everyone has someone, and I'm stuck here. But I have to remind myself constantly that God will provide me someone when the time is right. I cannot force or rush anything, because I know how that can turn out. Simply stated, I just have to trust.