Unconventional

Rule One: Love Jesus.
Rule Two: Love yourself.

Growing up, I have been taught to love others just as Christ loved me. I've learned to put others before me, and exert this never-ending, genuine, and pure love for others. I have learned to give rather than receive. For my entire life, I feel that my selfish ways have not been parallel to love - but rather other ways that one may become selfish. I was watching Julia Robert's new movie trailer: "Eat Pray Love", and it was a spiritual, but in a good way, experience to just simply take in what the movie offered in those two minutes and thirty-one seconds. I can't remember verbatim, but she said, "I had a hunger for life, and I lost it." Story of my life. I feel that God is here, He's always been here with me, and He is teaching me in unmeasurable ways about love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, and self-control. He taught me that it's important to have a hunger for His word. But I still feel empty in some aspects.

Therefore, I have decided to bring back the goal I had whenever the clock struck 12:01 a.m. on January 1st, 2010. I have decided that once my finals are completed in nine days at 9:51 a.m., I am going to invest in this book by Elizabeth Gilbert. I am going to soak in as much as possible from God's word and this book. But, I only have two rules: One, to love Jesus. And two, to love myself.
That first part I have down pact. I love Jesus with everything I have, but I feel like the other part of the bargain is to love myself. For the longest time I have picked at my body, soul, and mind constantly. I would stand in front of a mirror and constantly scrutinize the belly that I have (we all have one), the thighs as big as thunder, and the bum that seems to be saddened by it all. I've scrutinized my mind: You're not smart enough, what are you doing in grad school? Why aren't you going from one support nest (i.e. parents) to the other (i.e. husband). I've belittled my soul: why aren't you constantly seeking God instead of your own mind? You can't do it all alone.

I feel like I have lost the love for myself. I feel ugly inside and out, and I know this the furthest from the truth as I can go, but I need to believe myself when I look in the mirror.

I'm not sure how this adventure is going to turn out, and I might cheat my way into it a little earlier (like in the next five minutes of leaving my apartment...) but either way, I'm going to do what I said I was going to do when New Years Day came. I am going to read this book and continue reading one book a month. Along the way, I am going to (attempt) to jot down my thoughts on how this specific book, "Eat Pray Love", has worked out so far.

I just have one goal: Love myself completely.

Much love.