Hello world.

...Hello world
How've you been?
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel cold as steel
Broken like I'm never gonna heal
I see a light, a little hope
In a little girl
Hello world
...
Say a prayer
Maybe talk to God...
Oh I know He is there...
I see a light
A little grace, a little faith unfurled
Hello world...

All the empty disappears
I remember why I'm here
Just surrender and believe
I fall down on my knees
Oh hello world...

("Hello World" by Lady Antebellum)

I absolutely love that song, by the way.

I am so sorry I have not been doodling in here in almost two months. After my last final, my mentally and physically exhausted self packed up as much as I could fit into my SUV and drove back home for a glorious four week long vacation. I almost missed my apartment ... almost. I think it was more of a missing the one refuge that I can call my own, where I can be by myself. I need those moments in life where I can just be quiet.

Last May, I was perusing through facebook as ususal, and I noticed a growing trend that everyone is becoming a little more negative when they display a status for their friends or the world to see. So, I decided to make a little change for myself and only post positive comments. I am so grateful for everything that God has done for me, there is no need to complain about some measly bump in the road. And instead of complaining, learn from it and save it from whenever the situation may come again.

There have been so many circumstances that have said hello to me, and I really wouldn't be who I am today without them. Just a few days ago, I attended a lovely baby shower and another attendee happened to be there that I have not spoken to in probably six or seven years. I was unsure of how I should react to this person, whether to completely stay quiet and keep to my self and those who were around me, or be brave and say hello and ask how life is treating them. And to be honest, I feel bad about keeping to myself. It was a silly fight over something ridiculous, and I regret not growing some and just saying hello. I mean, this person can't bite me in public, right? Right? :)

I don't want to regret anything, regretting makes me sorrowful, depressed and bitter. I wasted so much time during my undergraduate years that I cannot make up. I want to remember grad school as one of the best time in my life, not only because I am challenging myself in a field that people told me would never be possible to achieve, but I am developing amazing friendships along the way that will, hopefully, last a lifetime. I ask you to pray for me in this regard. I have figured out that I am shy, let's face it, I am, and I don't want to let that hinder me.

I'm just going to say it...

One of the struggles I have been going through is drinking. I don't drink for the effect, but for the taste, and the problem with me is that it does not hit me right away. For some reason in my mind I'm thinking that I can handle my alcohol and one more won't hurt me. Next thing I know, my lightweight self goes all silly. I want to honor God in all I do, I don't want to hurt Him by giving into temptation and getting shmockered from one too many. I went through that experience my senior year in college, and I don't want to do that again. But, I don't want to appear to be this sissy or prude that can't have fun. It's such a catch 22 in my eyes (maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm right) because I want to enjoy being young before I have to grow up. But, I don't want to be stupid about it. Please be praying for me in this regard as well because I am at my wit's end on this one.

Another thing I have noticed I need to work on is patience. I've noticed it's "me, me, me" all the time. How quickly can I do this? How quickly can I buy this? Why isn't this going my way? It's sickening, I know. Even this last week, I spoke some word vomit about one of my professors because she's been procrastinating on contacting our sites and getting contracts finalized. I have to remember that she is just like me, she is not perfect, and she has a family to take care of, not just her second year babies. I am so excited to be working with my future four sites, I'm just too impatient to know where I will be next fall until the end of next month.

It's a scary thing to not know right now, but I have to keep reminding myself that God will take care of me. He's not going to let me be short of hours, and He'll always be with me every step of the way. I will make mistakes, I will goof up, I will want to scream at the top of my lungs for whatever reason, and I will run to Him for comfort. He is my patience, He is my comforter. He is there when my world looks like it's falling apart. He keeps me sane and doesn't let me fall too far away from the straight and narrow path. Praise Him that He does that because I would be screwed.

We all have struggles, we all have temptations. Just remember that He's right there with you. He's not going to leave you and let you fall. All you have to do is trust and give everything to Him.

Much Love,
Kelsea Lauren