Today was a fairytale

"Life is not only a destination, but also a journey."

Yesterday, I had the privilege of witnessing a very beautiful bride becoming a wife. The bride and groom are one of those couples that prove to the world that love still exists and is alive. As many weddings do, the subject of marriage with my Phamily came up on several accounts. We all want to have the fairytale wedding and live happily ever after. It may happen sooner or later for others, but the real fairytale is God's love for us. Roman's 5:8 explains that because God loves us so much, that he sent His son to die on a cross to pay the penalty for our sins before we were even born. And to think, there are sometimes I have a difficult time forgiving others for the things they have done against me.

The past five years of my life have given me a completely different perspective on love and my love for others. I could write a novel about all of the experiences I have had with love, and how God has shown His love through little miracles and through others. But what about my fairytale wedding? Such a selfish question challenged me yesterday. I'm looking around at the wedding party, I see couples with rings on their left ring finger everywhere, and they look like they can't take a sip of alcohol just yet. I know it's probably small town culture to get married young, but that's just not me anymore. But the thing is I am not 19 anymore. I'm definitely at that age when all of my friends (or at least a good chunk of them) are engaged, married, have children, and are living their adult lives. What about my dreams with the white picket fence, the perfect husband and family, and the picture-perfect lives? And when I look back on that night after Christmas Day four years ago, I start to wonder if I missed my opportunity. Surely God did not intend on giving me just a taste of "engaged life" just to take it away in a week.

As I am chatting up a storm with my lovely Phamily, one of them told me that we do not only need to be seeking God so we can find our husband, but we also need to have selfless motives. I didn't really think about it until then, but I realized something: was all the effort I was putting into my relationship with my Savior all for finding a husband? I would like to say no, but is it completely true? I don't know. I owe my everything to Him, specifically where I am now. I would not be in grad school learning about my profession if I had not sought God for guidance. But are my intentions to learn more about God and to seek Him more for selfless reasons?

I don't want to just go through the motions of reading the bible, praying and going about my day without fully investing my heart, soul and mind into my relationship with my Savior. I want others to see that I am different, and it's not because I like to write letters to people in phonetics and then realize that some of them cannot read phonetics. I want to live a life that is pleasing to God and let my light shine out to others.

Since those four years have passed, my mentality has definitely changed for the better. I no longer want to be a Donna Reed or June Cleaver just because society tells us to.

Lord, I give my life completely to You. Let Your will be done. I surrender all of my wicked ways and give up all of my earthly treasures to follow You. I want to serve You and glorify You through school, dating, friends, habits, goals, love, loss, failure, success, when I awake and when I sleep, when I blink, breathe in and out. This world has nothing for me, I find my peace and joy solely in You.

I want the fairytale.